Sunday, 17 February 2013

Why this outfit is bang on - Post #1.

Need Supply Co.
I understand how Johannes Rebmann felt when he first lay eyes upon Kilimanjaro, because I feel similarly ‘moved’ when I see a well-put together outfit like this one.

Occasionally your Mistress encounters a clothing ensemble that is more perfect than hot chips and beer (aka foreplay).  The universe has chosen to toss me morsels of aesthetic delight like this to sustain me in this desert of ugly I’m forced to exist in. 

However, you may be surprised to know, as the elation of this exciting fashion encounter subsides, I begin to think of all the poor bastards (i.e. my readers) who are too unaware to appreciate the significance of particular clothing-amalgamations such as this. 

Like an irresponsible banker, I’ll give you some credit and acknowledge that a few of you may realise that this combo looks ‘alright’...but do you know why?  Can you apply the style principles at play here, or will your translation most likely end up in you strutting out the door in board-shorts and a flannie ?

To combat the ignorance rife amongst my reader population; in the next few posts I will talk you through a few great summer outfits in terms of why they ‘work’.

The first outfit we’ll be applying a scalpel to in this men’s-style vivisection is an ensemble from Need Supply Co.  It consists of a Saturdays Surf NYC Esquina Oxford Stripe shirt and a pair of RVCA  Marrow 18" Shorts.  Although I haven’t included the reverse image; believe me, these shorts make this dude’s arse look like I could bounce him off the walls (i.e. ‘nice’)

This tasteful analogy creates a nice little segue into a more specific chat about the dude’s daks...

The Shorts:

These are classic, flat-fronted shorts, featuring all the latest storage and fastening technology such as pockets, a zip fly AND a button closure! However, it’s not all this fancy pocketing and zip-bling that makes these shorts the dog’s bollocks; it’s the ‘fit’. 

 At this point, I should mention, I’ve been through all this with you before in ‘Short-pants Syndrome-The 'Shorts' post’.  With chino or tailored style shorts such as these, they should be worn at mid-low thigh (length). 

‘...When it comes to shorts and not the bits they cover, longer is NOT better.  Don’t despair; this blog is not a covert operation to create the largest Village People tribute-show ever.  No, despite the sadistic pleasure I would get from coercing you all into hot pants, the shorts I’m suggesting you don should be above the knee but at least a hand span from your crotch (your own hand.  Please don’t sully my blog’s rep by using it as an excuse to cop a grope)...’

 The other reason these short are pimp tight, is because they are plain coloured.  I don’t care if you have thighs that look like they are the product of more roids than could be found in Lance Armstrong’s bathroom cabinet; it’s not a good look on blokes to make your bottom half the feature of your appearance.  Women have the monopoly on the ‘pear-shape’ ideal and you guys have to settle for the aesthetic-goal of ‘top-heavy’; making your torso the feature.   So avoid patterned shorts and create a streamlined look as our pervy-gaze drifts downwards.

The Shirt:
It’s a slim fitting short sleeve shirt in stripey oxford cloth;  and totally tha’ heezy fo’ sheezy...yo.  Now, if you’re one of my few readers who is literate enough to have done more than glanced at the pretty pictures of past posts, you would be screaming at your screen now: ‘Contradictor; thy name is Mistress!’ (I envision my literate readers speaking in Shakespearean language for some reason). 

In past posts I have warned against wearing stripey shirts ('You Give Me The Shirts'), however in this case, the relaxed look of the short(not long)-sleeve shirt, means that the patterning appears less intense and ridiculous.  That said; I’d still avoid ‘spots’ (aka creepy-clown-wear).  The cut of the shirt also allows this handsome fellow to pull-off the stripes.  It’s slim-cut, creating a look that’s more streamlined and stylish and less like flaccid, deflated hot-air balloon.

The combination (my summation!):
It’s a preppy, casual look that could transcend a myriad of social settings (whose differing dress standards you are probably oblivious to anyway).  The look is current, yet doesn’t look like the product of someone trying too hard.  The only giveaway that this man is a bit of a twat and/or living at home is that his shirt is actually ironed.  So to avoid any possible emasculation with this ensemble, make sure you ‘store’ the shorts and shirt on the floor, in a dank corner of your room and throw them on 15 secs before leaving home for some ‘don’t give a shit’ man-cred!
Need Supply Co.

Contact me on with your specific queries/examples and I will deliver some advice in an almost civil manner.  Warning: I cannot guarantee I won’t take the piss.