A singlet: Because it's too fucking hot to dress with dignity.

I am going to do something that I never do...  

Curb my vile potty-mouth? (Fuck off!)

Remove my 4inch heels? (Not unless I’m being put under a general anesthetic!)

In fact I need swearing and my heels (my armour) now more than ever because I am about to admit; 

I may have been wrong.

That’s right; I’m about to demean myself in the eyes of you dear twits...

In a post a little while ago I suggested that singlet (tank, vest, wife-beater)-wearing is an activity reserved for bogans, hipsters and/or any other variants of a dickhead (‘No,TANK-you! The most controversial post so far...’).  However, something significant happened to me that has made me reconsider this stance.  I have been forced to acknowledge the necessity of singlet wearing because I recently moved to Brisbane (Queensland, Aus) where it is insanely hot.  I suppose the hypocrisy that I am experiencing here is that since I have come to call Brisbane home, I haven’t worn much more than a few Lycra triangles to avoid the neighbours from calling the police.  Don’t  get me wrong, I still maintain my conviction that ‘comfort’ and ‘fashion’ exist on either end of the  ‘what is acceptable to leave the house in’ spectrum; however, the perpetuity with which the blokes are sweating up here is grossing me out.  The weather is not conducive to civilized behaviour such as wearing sleeves!  Thus, I can’t be strutting around in clothing that makes a strip-joint seem like a nunnery and forbid you poor bastards from copping a bit of a cool breeze to your pits!  So, I am giving the AMBER light (not green) to singlet-wearing i.e. you need some guidelines before you hoon down to your closest chav/bogan-wear outlet.

The rules to your narrowly permitted singlet-wearing are:  

1.  Make it part of an ensemble that looks like you are wearing the singlet because you’re actually hot and not just because you’re a tosser who thinks his insipid, hairless biceps are a unique, outstanding gift to women.  What I mean by this is, avoid wearing a singlet with jeans, chinos and/or with anything but thongs.  If it’s hot as a bitch out there, and you want to feel justified in losing the sleeves, then you shouldn’t be contrarily cultivating a sweat-fall from your bollocks down by wearing jeans.   That said, for the love of not looking like a complete cunt, please don’t wear heavily patterned and/or short shorts.  Refer to  ‘Short-pants Syndrome-The 'Shorts' post  for an extended rant on this topic.

2.  (I cringe slightly as I hear my own mother’s voice as I say this) We don’t need to see your nipples!  Once again, I admit that I feel like a bit of a hypocrite in saying this with my own occasional clothing malfunction/exposure due in the most part to my general abhorrence for bras.  However, I must maintain; public nipple exposure, unless it's spouting breast-milk (you fucking idiot, Kochie!), is a bad look.

If your nipples are making a defiant appearance, then your singlet is too long in the neck/arm-holes.  Clearly you are donning this barely-there look for only one of three reasons:

1.      You have been in a fight and in a (homo-erotic) grapple, had your singlet stretched.  Cool! I love it when dickheads brawl!

2.      You’re blatantly rating some roid-inspired package you’re offering up front...to compensate for what little you’re offering down below.

3.      You are a sleazy, drug-fucked consort of Pete Doherty

If you are one of the minority group that doesn’t fall into either of these categories; avoid a saggy singlet.

3.  Don’t wear your singlet too tight.  Do I really need to clarify this?  Dudes look fucking gross in tight tees and singlets.  Unless you are about to participate in an Olympic event (and I would only disrobe a mere second before entering the area) then there is no excuse for a skin tight singlet.

So as always, here’s some examples of some acceptable singlets: (click on the descriptions to be taken to the sites)

ASOS - Selected Singlet - Dusty Rose Red 

Nique French Singlet - Faded Black

OAK Egon Muscle Tee - Oxblood

INDUSTRIE the chagall singlet

Nique Box Seat Tank - Black

Obey Ikat Anchor Tank - Putty

The Critical Slide Society Easy Street Tank - Brick

ASOS - Selected Singlet - Spring Bouquet

OAK White Karate Muscle Tee

INDUSTRIE the barbuda singlet

Nique Pocket Singlet - Orange Tan

ASOS Sleeveless T-Shirt With USA Print

 

Contact me on enquire@menwtw.com with your specific queries/examples and I will deliver some advice in an almost civil manner.  Warning: I cannot guarantee I won’t take the piss. 

Stores:

• Nique
• OAK
• Kaeho
• The Critical Slide Society 
• Industrie
• Obey Clothing
• Asos