Hat’s the way I like it -The Hat Post

Delivering this post has been like giving birth to a particularly ugly 40pound baby.  Fucking hard work and just not sure if what I produce will just make me cringe. 

I had a cry-out for a post on hats from a bunch of blokes, but the problem is, I fear their interest was born out of a desire to have their heads remain warm. Bahhh! If I learn you guys anything it must be that practicality and comfort should not be a driving force in your clothing choice!  Comfort is like a G-rated porno; you could put it on when you’re hanging out with your wife or mum, but it’s not going to get anyone excited.  

That said, despite comfort being your motivation for wanting to know more about manly-millenary products; fortunately hats are not just practical i.e. for covering up a chilly or bald scalp, they can also make you look like a bit of a spunk-muffin. 

This gets me back to why this post was harder than a nipple in the Antarctic to write.   It seems that so few can pull off a hat without looking like you have the fashion-cred of a Mormon.  I didn’t want to give the go ahead to wearing hats, and have you; my minion, looking like shit.  I was actually really hard pushed to find examples of hats that I could recommend with a clear conscious.  

However,  with wine dulling the visual assault that a wee bit of world wide webbing produced; I managed to wade through a sea of shit that are the hat-equivalents of writing ‘cunt’ with a permanent marker across your forehead and have found you some noggin-hugging specimens that could make you look down-right sexy.   

Although these days men are often pretty scared of wearing a hat (and not just because I suggested the chance of you looking like a dick in one is at least 20:1); in the 1930s, 40s, and parts of the 50s, a man without a hat was as [fully] dressed as a dude leaving the house in only Y-fronts.    However, by the 1960s, hat wearing fell off, partly as a result of longer hairstyles, cars and J.F.K being such a hotty with a full head of hair who shunned the hat.

A bit of a shame really because there is something definitely masculine about wearing a hat.  Another bonus is by wearing a hat you can drag out having to fork out a neat $80 to get a hair-dresser to fuck up your hair for at least an extra 3 weeks. Cool.  Wear a hat and spend that money on beer! 

You’re hair looks like shit? No prob, put on a hat!

You have a case of dandruff that looks like you used bread-crumbs as your styling product du jour?  No prob, put on a hat!

So, which hats?

Well unless you’re 1980’s Tom Selleck (who can do no fashion-wrong) I would avoid the straw fedora or trilby.  In fact steer clear of either these hats when made out of woven material lest you look like a 50 year old prick, who wears sandals and drinks beverages with fucking umbrellas in them, in some developing nation tourist dive.   You know; bad.  Vintage woollen (etc) trilbys and fedoras are ok, but don’t combine them with a complete retro-styled outfit  (you know you’re not a secretary-rogering  misogynist from Mad Men, don’t you?).  Combine this quite formal hat with a casual relaxed, long-sleeved t’shirt...and a beard.  Yes, a beard. Because I like them.  Why does it all have to be about you? 

Pork-pie hats in wool can look ok too, but wear them with a sense of play/irony.  Once again combine them with a really casual outfit: a t’shirt and even a cardi...and a beard.

Beanies, flat caps and snap backs all are all much less problematic and can be pulled off by most (particularly those with a beard). With caps/snap backs; just make sure they’re a good fit i.e. not too big or you’ll look like carni whose vocation is driving a miniature train.

Below. Pics. Check them.

Flat cap -  Lizzie Lock Millinery (ASOS Marketplace)

Paisley Baseball Snap Back Cap URBAN OUTFITTERS

Krew Beanie-Kemmel (ASOS Marketplace)

I Love Ugly 5-Panel Cap Navy Park Print (COMEBACK KID)

Grey Flecked Baker Boy Hat (URBAN OUTFITTERS)

Grey & White Cable Knit Hand Knitted Bobble Beanie (Vintage) (ASOS Marketplace)

Wesc Flat Cap-Kemmel (ASOS Marketplace)

Grand Scheme - Duck Canvas Snap Back (BLACK ANCHOR COLLECTIVE)

Zaini 'Colonsay' Beanie hat-Zaini (ASOS Marketplace)

Discrete Clothing Co. - Brown Corduroy 5 Panel (BLACK ANCHOR COLLECTIVE)

Peaked wool cap PHEASANT by CAMPAIGN (GRAND SOCIAL)

Converse Beanie Hat - Kemmel (Vintage) (ASOS Marketplace)