Sweats & Hoods: The ‘Winter [what the fuck do I] Wear’- Post #1

Note: To any of you who have had the thought that they wished I would just 'shut the fuck up': I am here to let you know, I am willing to meet you half-way.

The new deal: I will be saying less...BUT more often!

You see, it is one of my many charmingly (quirky) qualities that I find holding-down a serious, full-time occupation fundamentally oppositional to the very core of my being.  Thus I don’t fully appreciate what it’s like attempting to read my monthly 2000-word tirade against the outfit you’re currently wearing, before your boss notices you’ve done fuck-all in the last 20mins to warrant getting paid. So as a gesture of empathy for my overworked, time-starved and illiterate readers, I am going to give you shorter posts, but now I'm going to bring-it on a weekly basis!

[I’m going to have to pull my finger out, to pull this off weekly! Maybe even sober up...]

The ‘Winter [what the fuck do I] Wear’- Post #1

So here in Australia its getting a tad chilly.  An Aussie winter is a challenging 3 weeks which inevitably sorts the men from the boys i.e. those yet to push-out some ‘fashion-pubes’ .   

I know in the past, I have made little mystery of the fact I don’t see ‘comfort’ as a key player in the success of an outfit.  In fashion, I see ‘comfort’ as the ugly, dull mate, who is never going to help pull the chicks at the pub, but only drinks light-beer and so can drive (drunk-)you home.  So what I'm saying is; I suppose 'comfort' is ok to have loitering around in your wardrobe.  It can be handy for those days when you’re under-the-weather/hung-over and buttoning up a shirt seems as complicated as explaining the non-determinacy of quantum mechanics.   

So for the first of a few winter posts I'll be churning out; I’m going to give you some good (comfortable) sweat-shirt and hoodie (hood) options perfect for the Oz winter....and the British summer.

Just some tips before I let your eyeballs loose on some good ‘sweat’/’hood’ examples:

1. Avoid wearing your sweat and hoodie too loose or you’ll look like you’re about to bust-out a rap about how you grew up in a trailer park and now you’re driving a Ferrari filled with ‘hot bitches’ etc.  However, wearing it too tight can look like you’ve been raiding the scabie-paradise of the lost-property bin at the local primary school.  Aim for a comfortable happy-medium; a sort of retro-fit; circa late 70’s/early 80’s.

2. Be careful when selecting sweatshirts or hoodies with designs or logos on them.  Particularly in the case of hoodies; they can make you look like a try-hard or appear as if you’re in the midst of a scary midlife-crisis and just about take up wearing a cap backwards and start riding a BMX.  If you are going to dare a design on your sweat,  then make sure it’s not too fucking retro or ‘ironic’, lest you be perceived as a twatty hipster.  You’d get less flack brandishing a Swastika across your chest, or [the catchy phrase] ‘Which one of you cupcakes wants to come over to my place, cook me dinner, and then give me a blowjob?’ than wearing a sweatshirt with Micky-Mouse or some shit on it.  Even hipsters hate hipsters.

So, some cool sweatshirts and hoodies:

PAM Jackhrd Bomber Jacket - SomeDay Store

Warriors Of Radness Blue Zip Through Sweater

Humör Crew Neck Sweater

My Yard Exclusive Bandana Sweat

Handsom Contrast Sleeve Jumper in Orange

Lyle & Scott Navy Zip Through Hoodie

Maharishi Lock Raglan Crew Sweat

My Yard Nordic Tribe Crew Neck Pocket Sweat Grey Marl

Polo Ralph Lauren V Insert Crew Neck Sweat

Penfield Burgundy Shawl Aquinnah Sweater

Topman Dark Green Raglan Plain Sweat

Carhartt Slash Navy Melange Sweater

Red Vintage Treated Ryder Sweat by Marc By Marc Jacobs

Edwin Crewneck Sweatshirt

Topman Grey Marl Flecked Print Sweat

My Yard Villains Crew Neck Sweat

Next week’s post ‘Which Jumpers and Cardies That Don’t Make You Look Like Someone Even Your Nan Would Want To Beat Up’.