Men: What To Wear: Cardi-games: The ‘Winter [what the fuck do I] Wear’- Post #2

Cardigans. This men’s clothing item has me seriously torn.

I could only be in a deeper crisis of indecision if I was allowed a single pint (not so hypothetical as my reputation with bar security grows) in a pub with 3 dozen beers on tap.

The problem is that many men who wear cardigans are such pretentious dickheads, that I find it nearly impossible to resist the urge to force-feed their multicoloured knit down their throat to make a deliciously twatty foie-gras out of their liver. Luckily, it is merely a fantasy. Despite my dubious inclinations, I am a woman of strong morals...and have a healthy fear of how my hair might look if I was sentenced to life in prison for murdering a hipster.

So my dilemma is that despite the fact that a cardigan can be indicative of the wearer being a bit of a fucktard, I also think that men can look fa-sheezy in a decent cardi. My ‘men-in-cardies’ attraction is either confirmation that I have a grandpa fetish (men are so delightfully malleable when senility sets in) or just that a comfy cardi; showing a bit of man-cleavage, can look like the epitome of ‘effortless sexy’ encapsulated in a wool-blend knit.

I’ve always loved a man in a cardi as you can see in previous posts ('Play Your Card-igans Right'). Cardigans are actually great for showing off that which ‘ya mama gave ya’...or if your ‘mama’ was a bit stingy with the good genes, a cardigan can also conceal what 3 pints a day has ‘gave ya’. A chunky-knit cardi can be very flattering by skimming forgivingly over your chunks, whilst still looking relaxed and casually-chic.

So, back to the predicament of attempting to don a cardi and still managing to strut the fine-line between dickhead and cool. I have, as always, a wee bit of despotic fashion-direction for your reading-masochism:

Keep your cardigans simple and not too heavily patterned. If you are feeling bold and/or high and do opt for a patterned cardi; keep it fairly monochromatic lest you look like the love-child of Jenny Kee and Ken Done.
If your cardigan is patterned, make sure that your shirt underneath is plain or you might cause some sort of epileptic-fit for anyone who lays eyes upon your dizzying combo. Make sure a patterned cardi is in a light weave/fabric, so it’s not too bulky and overwhelming.
I would recommend neutral, plain colours in chunky weaves i.e. a man’s cardi (if we can indulge the idea that there is such a thing). Shawl collars (turn-down collars) on cardigans are still quite hip; they look adult and even ‘dapper’ (look in up; the word doesn't necessarily question your possession of testicles). These cardies are the best option if your want to team them up with a collar shirt underneath, because they sort of look like a knitted blazer.