Saturday, 11 June 2011

Lay(er)ing it on thick.

This is a fashion concept, and not a strategy to avoid paying for check-in baggage by wearing a week's worth of clothing on your flight.

Now my dear simple readers; I will go against a personal principle I have for this blog which is to avoid getting personal.  Oh, yes, this blog was to be the bastion of objectivity! 

I won’t lie to you; my objectivity has been difficult to maintain at times because nothing gets me more emotional than discussing shapeless denim or pilly peacoats.  However, I think you will all agree that I have always remained almost clinical in my approach to the highly delicate topic of men’s fashion. 

That said, right now I must share that I have some very personal issues with layering.  That’s right; sit closer to your fancy Macbook as I peel a few of the layers off this onion (more like a shallot i.e. I have, at last count a maximum of 2 layers to my less than complex identity.  My persona is as elusive as a wet t-shirt competition). 

My main problem with layering is that hippies do it.
I think ‘hippy’ is the only subculture I have never given a right good go at (from a fashion point of view).   You see; hippies are dags.  Layers of cheese/hemp cloth in murky, insipid hues; that seem to be colour-inspired by the result of a vegan/raw food diet when it emerges out the other end…  The layers of fraying fabric thrown in a cavalier manner around their bodies are the manifestation of a pot-fecked brain and are as aesthetically driven as the flourishing nests of pubic hair that help to keep Saffron and Rainbow warm in their teepees at night.  I’ve coughed up better looking things than this style of layering.

However, being always on the path of self-improvement; I have nearly resolved my previous issues with layering.  In fact layering and I are experiencing the fashion equivalent of make-up sex.  I’m loving layering right now (but may hurl it out of my style-bed as soon as the post-coital glow dies and layering and I are just feeling awkward…. Consider this metaphor well and truly milked)!

So guys, lets mount the layering horse and heap on some clothes. Layering is the fantastic alternative to the rather dull winter cover-up of a thick jacket.  Layering is not only very practical; being able to add/remove clothing when it is 10 degrees outside and freakin’ 40 degrees in* , but it also enables you to show-case your style (yes, that’s right; YOU are very close to having some style. Stick with the blog, dude!).  What is the point of all your bold progress with your en trend shirts and dacks (for my 2 non-Australian readers; the education continues: 'Dacks' Australian slang more info-clickwhen you asphyxiate all your new found style-cred with a single huge smothering coat? Layering with a shirt; jumper or cardi; blazer or open jacket and a scarf enables you to be much more creative…actually, wait; I take that back… you’re not ready to take initiative with your own wardrobe.  I start again: layering enables you to expose the looks I’VE INSTRUCTED YOU TO WEAR in previous posts to present a much more distinctive and defining look.   In the midst of the morbid, monochromatic winter scene; you will be the pretty, flashy, shiny thing attracting all the birds…….well, magpies to be specific i.e. best to combine this look with a protective cycle-helmet (equipped with eyes painted on the back and cable tie spikes to deter swooping).

Check out some of these examples of creative layering below:
  • Experiment with a number of thin layers and vary each layer in fabric texture and colours. 
  • Keep shirts and vest open to expose the dimension of colour (interest) beneath.

*What is it with excessive heating in Melbourne?!  I’m sorry earth; all the wusses in Oz need a world’s worth of energy to stop feeling a wee bit chilly, ok?!  Are we attempting to simulate 12 months of summer as part of tourist ploy?