Monday, 30 May 2011

Play your card-igans right...

I know that I upset a few of you... 

I’m sorry. 

Its winter and you finally thought you had it right.  After 2 years of fighting with every ounce of testosterone in your body, the irrepressible will of your girlfriend, you gave in and now have a cardi in your wardrobe.  You’ve psyched yourself up; ready to don your ‘fashion’ item at that Saturday morning breakfast in the hipster cafĂ© with vinyl mixed-matched chairs rescued from the dumpster next to a Salvos sorting-centre.  You had it all clearly pictured in your head; you sitting in your poly-wool, button-up loveliness, next to your deeply satisfied girlfriend (satisfied in a way only a cardigan-ed man could make her..), devouring your baked eggs with a side of goats cheese (praying to God, no mates see you; you big freakin’ twat). 

Well, again; I apologise for pissing all over your cardigan-inspired-dream, by making no validating mention of cardies in my first (of a few winter blogs).

I’m not going to beat around the preverbal ball of lint; I think cardigans are a little passĂ©.  However, I wanted to post a few styles that will enable you to live out your cardigan moment that you have been brow-beaten into accepting as your own.  These ‘chunky-mutha’ versions of grandpa’s favourite cover-up won’t emasculate or dag-ify you like some of the thin insipid styles that have been around for a few seasons now. 

Look out for  thick-cable knits with toggle-buttons or bright coloured cardigans that button high to the neck.

Enjoy boys!

Remember if you love it; LIKE it…and FOLLOW; leading is for wankers…

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Please; email me or post a question/comment on this or the Men: What To Wear Face Stalk page.

Loves youse all!

Monday, 16 May 2011

Winter: The Cover-up

‘Yay for 15 degrees and below!’, you squeal in relief... 
Winter:  The season when you can conceal all the early noughties shame of your wardrobe with your trusty navy-blue peacoat (‘that NEVER goes out of style’ you say to yourself. ‘A classic…a classique!’ i.e. so freakin’ classic, it is classic in a twatty French-style of classicness).  So, well done, you for executing your shifty plan year after year to surreptitiously blend into a current fashion scene with your nauseatingly bland cover-up.  Oh, bless; you’re an idiot!  No one is fooled.   We (well, ok; women) sense (our 9th sense) what dirty little Lowes’ secrets lay beneath your lint-adorned, woollen facade.  

Can I suggest that you don’t see the weather getting a wee bit nippy as an opportunity to become style-sleepy, but excited about the chance to flaunt your enviable new-found ability to layer and long-sleeve (long-sleeve: verb.  To apply fabric to the full length of your arms).  Yes, all your bland mates will wish they had a bit of your ‘winter sumthang-sumthang’, even when they tell you, you look like their sister.  That is jealousy dude! Well...probably; I mean; there is a slight chance you do look like his sister (email me a pic to confirm whether it is jealousy or you do in fact look like a girl).

So what to wear as the temperature drops?  Well winter-wear is a big topic, upon which I’ll spout a load of tripe upon over the next couple of posts (lucky you!), but this blog-addition is like fashion first aid. I want to just introduce you to some winter looks to urgently redirect your automatic reach for your forest-green fleece, come winter.

The Crew Neck and The Prep

First of all, despite your immense pride in the hairy evidence of your masculinity residing on your chest, the crew neck-line, not the V neck is the collar of choice at the moment.  So unless you are fortunate enough to have chest hair so long that it defies gravity to provocatively interact with your beard then the 2011 winter neck-line is all about covering-up your chestical* area and all that blossoms from it.  We are going for a bit of a preppy look.  Unlike the very strict, completely inflexible rule I presented on t-shirt necklines; being ideally stretched to the point that it would have caused your mother to wail in horror at sight of you in public dressed in such a way; when it comes to jumpers (sweaters), you need to have a neat/tight collar.  And before you start your little hissy-fit; It is a fitted collar, not a neck tourniquet.  You are not choking, you sissy, whiney-boy.  You can cope!  You need to quickly accept that fashion was never meant to be comfortable.

The preppy look is workable in a mild Australian winter, and don’t worry; you won’t necessarily get beaten up dressing in this style.  We’ve discussed the current fashion-favour for plaid in previous posts and for winter (and so I don’t confuse my dear simple reader with new fashion concepts) can I suggest the plaid/check can work here too, even in a blazer over a collar shirt…tie, bracers.  Ok, I’ll be honest with you; this ensemble I just suggested may actually get you beaten up, but it will totally be worth it.

The Workman
You could edge/man-up your preppiness (and improve your chances of not being set upon by some blokes in the pub.  They are just jealous, I tell you) only slightly with a bit of a work-wear look.   To say ‘work-wear’ doesn’t mean you should be loitering around building-sites, taking notes on the fashion-direction of mixed-matched footy-socks and ripped T’shirts featuring a ‘joke’ usually to do with a woman performing fellatio…no. 

I’m talking more about work-wear such as is never found on a legitimate workman.  We are just influenced by the idea of doing manual labour…as a concept…heaven forbid you should fix the car or lift anything heavy in this outfit.  So we are looking at: khakis, denim and monochromatic tones…minus the grease.  You could even channel a 1990’s mechanic with a boxy denim jacket and some serious boots.  Shirt tucked in.....SHIRT TUCKED IN!

The Jackets

Some jackets that work really well with both the preppy and the work-wear looks are the varsity, duffle and boxy denim (cropped).  These coats are the other end of the coat-spectrum from your beloved navy-blue peacoat, but don’t be scared by the colour, pattern and insignia.  Men: What to Wear men are bold…hear us ra-ra, darling! 
Remember from past posts; it's ok to mix up your colours and patterns.  However, if you are a bit unsure and are beginning to suspect that I'm merely a sadistic-sicko; (btw if this is what you are looking for; you are on the wrong site, despite my mistress-style cruelty) setting you up for humiliation (I'm not...despite the temptation) just play it safe and limit the mix-up to texture/colour with plaid in similar hues, or block colours with block colours. 

And remember the Men: What to Wear catch-cry; ‘I don’t look like your sister; I’m just fashionable’…no; the other one: ‘Button to the collar!’  Button up your denim jacket and zip up that varsity jacket; we are channelling a rich college boy who has decided to go against his families Harvard expectations and instead decided to take up an apprenticeship at a mechanics in Mentone.  Sigh; a bit of a dickhead really…

* Yes, another one of my Cassie-original terms.  My lexicon grows with my general boredom with the English language, appropriate grammar, clear communication…yadda yadda….yawn.  

Remember if you love it; LIKE it…and FOLLOW;  leading is for wankers…

Also, LIKE the Men:What to Wear FB page too for updates/advice between blog-posts…

All these options are right at the bottom of this page. 

Please; email me or post a question/comment on this or the Men: What To Wear Face Stalk page.

Loves youse all!