Thursday, 31 May 2012

Cardi-games: The ‘Winter [what the fuck do I] Wear’- Post #2

Cardigans.  This men’s clothing item has me seriously torn. 

I could only be in a deeper crisis of indecision if I was allowed a single pint (not so hypothetical as my reputation with bar security grows) in a pub with 3 dozen beers on tap.  

The problem is that many men who wear cardigans are such pretentious dickheads, that I find it nearly impossible to resist the urge to force-feed their multicoloured knit down their throat to make a deliciously twatty foie-gras out of their liver.   Luckily, it is merely a fantasy.  Despite my dubious inclinations, I am a woman of strong morals...and have a healthy fear of how my hair might look if I was sentenced to life in prison for murdering a hipster.   

So my dilemma is that despite the fact that a cardigan can be indicative of the wearer being a bit of a fucktard, I also think that men can look fa-sheezy in a decent cardi.  My ‘men-in-cardies’ attraction is either confirmation that I have a grandpa fetish (men are so delightfully malleable when senility sets in) or just that a comfy cardi; showing a bit of man-cleavage, can look like the epitome of ‘effortless sexy’ encapsulated in a wool-blend knit.  

I’ve always loved a man in a cardi as you can see in previous posts ('Play Your Card-igans Right').  Cardigans are actually great for showing off that which ‘ya mama gave ya’...or if your ‘mama’ was a bit stingy with the good genes, a cardigan can also conceal what 3 pints a day has ‘gave ya’.  A chunky-knit cardi can be very flattering by skimming forgivingly over your chunks, whilst still looking relaxed and casually-chic.

So, back to the predicament of attempting to don a cardi and still managing to strut the fine-line between dickhead and cool.  I have, as always, a wee bit of despotic fashion-direction for your reading-masochism:
  1. Keep your cardigans simple and not too heavily patterned.  If you are feeling bold and/or high and do opt for a patterned cardi; keep it fairly monochromatic lest you look like the love-child of Jenny Kee and Ken Done. 
  2. If your cardigan is patterned, make sure that your shirt underneath is plain or you might cause some sort of epileptic-fit for anyone who lays eyes upon your dizzying combo.  Make sure a patterned cardi is in a light weave/fabric, so it’s not too bulky and overwhelming.
  3. I would recommend neutral, plain colours in chunky weaves i.e. a man’s cardi (if we can indulge the idea that there is such a thing).  Shawl collars (turn-down collars) on cardigans are still quite hip; they look adult and even ‘dapper’ (look in up; the word doesn't necessarily question your possession of testicles).   These cardies are the best option if your want to team them up with a collar shirt underneath, because they sort of look like a knitted blazer.
Check out some non-wankerish cardigan examples:

Lyle & Scott Heritage Sweat Cardigan

Uniforms For The Dedicated - The Kingsley Knitted Cardigan

Lyle and Scott Cardigan Riviera

Selected Cast Cardigan

Modern Amusement Shawl Neck Cardigan Navy (from Incu)

J.Lindeberg Lytrench coats Basic Cardigan

Lyle and Scott Jaquard detail cardigan

Suit - Fleck Waffle Knit Cardigan

Shore Leave - Blue Mixed Yarn Shawl Jacket (from Urban Outfitters)

Weathered Ethan Cardigan Rust (from Incu)

Woolrich Striped Jersey Shawl Neck Sweater

Topman Monochrome Pattern Cardigan

J. Lindeberg - Fred Fishermens Knit Lt Grey Melange

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