Tuesday, 29 January 2013

A singlet: Because it's too fucking hot to dress with dignity.


I am going to do something that I never do...  

Curb my vile potty-mouth? (Fuck off!)
Remove my 4inch heels? (Not unless I’m being put under a general anesthetic!)
In fact I need swearing and my heels (my armour) now more than ever because I am about to admit; 

I may have been wrong.

That’s right; I’m about to demean myself in the eyes of you dear twits...

In a post a little while ago I suggested that singlet (tank, vest, wife-beater)-wearing is an activity reserved for bogans, hipsters and/or any other variants of a dickhead (‘No,TANK-you! The most controversial post so far...’).  However, something significant happened to me that has made me reconsider this stance.  I have been forced to acknowledge the necessity of singlet wearing because I recently moved to Brisbane (Queensland, Aus) where it is insanely hot.  I suppose the hypocrisy that I am experiencing here is that since I have come to call Brisbane home, I haven’t worn much more than a few Lycra triangles to avoid the neighbours from calling the police.  Don’t  get me wrong, I still maintain my conviction that ‘comfort’ and ‘fashion’ exist on either end of the  what is acceptable to leave the house in’ spectrum; however, the perpetuity with which the blokes are sweating up here is grossing me out.  The weather is not conducive to civilized behaviour such as wearing sleeves!  Thus, I can’t be strutting around in clothing that makes a strip-joint seem like a nunnery and forbid you poor bastards from copping a bit of a cool breeze to your pits!  So, I am giving the AMBER light (not green) to singlet-wearing i.e. you need some guidelines before you hoon down to your closest chav/bogan-wear outlet.

The rules to your narrowly permitted singlet-wearing are:  

1.  Make it part of an ensemble that looks like you are wearing the singlet because you’re actually hot and not just because you’re a tosser who thinks his insipid, hairless biceps are a unique, outstanding gift to women.  What I mean by this is, avoid wearing a singlet with jeans, chinos and/or with anything but thongs.  If it’s hot as a bitch out there, and you want to feel justified in losing the sleeves, then you shouldn’t be contrarily cultivating a sweat-fall from your bollocks down by wearing jeans.   That said, for the love of not looking like a complete cunt, please don’t wear heavily patterned and/or short shorts.  Refer to  ‘Short-pants Syndrome-The 'Shorts' post  for an extended rant on this topic.

2.  (I cringe slightly as I hear my own mother’s voice as I say this) We don’t need to see your nipples!  Once again, I admit that I feel like a bit of a hypocrite in saying this with my own occasional clothing malfunction/exposure due in the most part to my general abhorrence for bras.  However, I must maintain; public nipple exposure, unless it's spouting breast-milk (you fucking idiot, Kochie!), is a bad look.
If your nipples are making a defiant appearance, then your singlet is too long in the neck/arm-holes.  Clearly you are donning this barely-there look for only one of three reasons:
1.      You have been in a fight and in a (homo-erotic) grapple, had your singlet stretched.  Cool! I love it when dickheads brawl!
2.      You’re blatantly rating some roid-inspired package you’re offering up front...to compensate for what little you’re offering down below.
3.      You are a sleazy, drug-fucked consort of Pete Doherty

If you are one of the minority group that doesn’t fall into either of these categories; avoid a saggy singlet.

3.  Don’t wear your singlet too tight.  Do I really need to clarify this?  Dudes look fucking gross in tight tees and singlets.  Unless you are about to participate in an Olympic event (and I would only disrobe a mere second before entering the area) then there is no excuse for a skin tight singlet.

So as always, here’s some examples of some acceptable singlets: (click on the descriptions to be taken to the sites)


ASOS - Selected Singlet - Dusty Rose Red 

Nique French Singlet - Faded Black
OAK Egon Muscle Tee - Oxblood
INDUSTRIE the chagall singlet
Nique Box Seat Tank - Black

Obey Ikat Anchor Tank - Putty

The Critical Slide Society Easy Street Tank - Brick

ASOS - Selected Singlet - Spring Bouquet

OAK White Karate Muscle Tee

INDUSTRIE the barbuda singlet
Nique Pocket Singlet - Orange Tan
ASOS Sleeveless T-Shirt With USA Print
 
Contact me on enquire@menwtw.com with your specific queries/examples and I will deliver some advice in an almost civil manner.  Warning: I cannot guarantee I won’t take the piss. 

Stores:


2 comments:

  1. I absolutely love this fashion. Nice shirt as advertised. material of not bad. Good to wear for work and going out. It fits comfortably, looks good on, and goes with anything. The price is right, and the style is flattering. Highly Recommended for this product. cheap FLATSEVEN designer clothing men online is also good for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're an ignorant cunt. At least your blog will never pull in the numbers popular blogs do. Cry me a river if you feel the need to pretend that this blog is popular (it's not).

    ReplyDelete